A Prank for a Prank
by Handsome Awkward
Summary: Just a stupid idea i came up with while bored out of my mind. What if after Wilson sawed through House's cane they pulled more pranks on each other from then on out? R & R please.
1. Tripping

**A/N: In the episode Clueless I saw a scene that I thought was hilarious! When House puts that stethoscope on the door of his apartment to where Wilson thought he was with a hooker, and House ate Wilson's food after he said he didn't want any of it. Then Wilson gets him back by sawing half way through his cane with a nail file. It made me laugh so hard I had to write something about it. **

**It may be paraphrased but it's just a story about all the pranks they pull from the moment House collapses and on. Also, I'll change up the scenes a bit. (Just because I can.)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Foreman and Chase were all standing around the lobby waiting for Cameron to show up. They had all made plans to go to dinner together and Cameron had told them she was going back to get her coat out of House's office.

Cuddy had just turned the lights off in her office and was starting to head out of the doors when she met up with the two guys, just as Wilson showed up.

"What are you guys waiting for?" Cuddy asked smirking somewhat.

"We were all going out to eat and Cameron had to go get her coat." Chase said in his accent.

"Where's House? He's my ride." Wilson stated having left his car at House's apartment.

"Probably coming down soon. He was turning off everything when we were up there." Foreman stated.

The elevator doors opened and the group watched as House limped right beside Cameron. They were talking about something when all of a sudden there was a snap. House collapses to the ground and the bottom of his cane flies out from beneath him. He hits the floor with a loud thump and a groan.

Cameron gasps and reaches to help him but Wilson made it to him first and told Cameron to go to the rest of the group.

"Ow." House states groaning.

"Wow. Looks like somebody filed halfway through your cane while you were sleeping." Wilson smiles and everyone else in the vicinity is looking in shock. House looks up from his current position and smiles up at Wilson.

"Hey, you're good." House pulls himself up. "What the hell is your problem."

"Oh I don't know, the fact that you can't wash dishes, you can't tell me when you want time alone, you eat my food when I ask you if you want anything and you make me lose a perfectly good apartment because you want me to stay." Wilson said smirking.

"Huh. I bet you feel guilty don't you?" House said grabbing the stray piece of wood a few feet away.

"Why would I?" Wilson looked confused.

"You're right. Never mind. I wouldn't be worried." House said smiling a nerve-wracking smile.

**Tbc.**

**The pranks will get bigger, funnier and more out of control. Just tell me if I should continue and I will.**


	2. Stomach aches

**A/N: Hope you like it. I won't shoot down suggestions either.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own...**

"So what was it with you and House earlier?" Wilson had the attention of the ducklings, and Cuddy at the table inside of a restaurant close to the hospital.

"Nothing. He was just pissing me off." He stated stirring at his soup.

"Oh really? So you had something to do with his cane snapping in half." Cuddy asked smirking.

"Yes. I took a nail file to it last night. He never takes it into his bedroom, he always leaves it hanging on the coat hanger beside the door of his room." He said absently. Flinching slightly at the pain that had overcome his stomach.

"Why?" Cameron asked wide-eyed.

"He didn't have a hooker, he didn't clean the dishes, he ate my lunch." Wilson said grabbing his stomach again.

"I hope you're not angry he didn't have a hooker." Chase said, not fully comprehending what Wilson was talking about.

"No, he told me that if he left the stethoscope out on the door knob I couldn't come in because he was with a hooker. I waited outside for 2 hours or more and he didn't even b-blink." His stomach was started to hurt worse. "He poked me with his cane a l-little while later and told me t-to come in. Turns out he was watching TV the whole time. Something a-about cuddling and f-foreplay."

"You okay?" Foreman asked concerned.

"Yeah, my stomach hurts a little but I-I'm fine." Right then a sudden urge hit him and he excused himself quickly to the bathroom not noticing the cane propped up against the wall behind the sinks.

Five minutes later he made out of the stall with a pale complexion and walked to the mirror to wipe his face off. That's when he noticed the lanky doctor smirking against the wall.

"What are you doing here?" Wilson asked only somewhat amused. House shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a bottle and threw it at Wilson's chest. He caught it and looked at the title. "LAXATIVES?!"

"Whoops." House stated and limped out the door.

"Son of a bitch!" Wilson whispered with a slight smile on his face.

He put the bottle in his pocket and walked back to the table. Four concerned faces stared at him with unreadable expressions.

"You okay?" Cuddy asked.

"Stop asking me that. I'm fine." He stated with the smile still plastered on his face.

"Why are you smiling?"

"No reason. Just need to get something. See you guys." He stood and grabbed his coat off the chair and left the restaurant.

---

"Mama just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead. Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mama, oh ohh ohhh, didn't mean to make you cry…" House stood singing the words to Bohemian Rhapsody with a smile on his face.

"Too late indeed." He stated plopping down on the leather couch. Just then the door opened and Wilson came in and pulled his coat off. He sat down beside House not at all phased by the thundering lyrics screaming through the air.

"I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me." The lyrics went on as they just sat there staring at the TV.

House turned to Wilson and smirked grabbing the remote just as the guitar solo started to come on. He turned off the music and turned on the television waiting for the SpongeBob Squarepants rerun to come on.

"So, How ya feeling?" House asked feigning curiosity and concern.

"Good. Had a nice bowel movement just a few hours ago, but you wouldn't know anything about that now would you? I mean, it couldn't have been you in the bathroom with me throwing the bottle of Laxatives in my face, right?"

"Why whatever do you mean?" He asked in a fake shocked voice a little louder then intended.

"Nothing." He said smiling and heading to the bathroom. Leaving House to wonder just what that 'nothing' meant.

TBC


	3. Hard ons

**A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please keep leaving your fantabulous reviews.**

**Disclaimer: Dun't own.**

The night was long and House was tossing and turning throughout it. He shoved his face deeper into the pillow and rolled onto his left side. His leg wasn't hurting that badly but he couldn't sleep. It was even more exhausting because he was rolling around trying to make himself at least go out for a little while.

Wilson was sleeping like a baby. Well as good as a baby could on House's lumpy leather couch. He fell asleep satisfied. Tomorrow was going to be a great day. He had a meeting that he knew could change his career from boring cancer doctor to one of the most important people in the hospital.

--

Morning came in a blinding brightness for House. He groaned and lifted himself from the messy sheets. He reached over himself and turned off the obnoxious alarm and pulled himself out of bed. When he stood up a small jolt of pain soared through him and he reached blindly for his Vicoden. He poured one in his hand and dry swallowed it quickly. He was so used to this action that the size of the pill never even occurred to him.

House limped to his living room and noticed that Wilson had picked up the sheets from the couch and put everything back into place. He smirked a bit and went into the kitchen. He reached up into the cupboard and got out a bowl, then he reached into a drawer and picked out a spoon. He set the two items on the island in the middle of the room. He reached the fridge and took out some milk and juice and went back to the cupboard to grab the cereal.

Once he was done eating he went into the bathroom and took a shower. As the water was trickling down his back he felt something he hadn't felt in a while. He was tingling all of a sudden and he could only think about one thing. His erection. He looked down and what he saw surprised him. _Huh. That's new. _He decided to relieve himself.

--

After getting a little too comfortable in the shower House had dried off and gotten himself ready but not before deciding that what just happened was a fluke. He smiled to himself as he pulled his button-up on and grabbed his jacket and cane. He went out to the street looking down at the newspaper that was sitting on the sidewalk. He picked it up and eased his way on his bike but not before he felt that tingle again. He ignored it and drove a little bit faster. He parked his bike in the handicap parking space and pulled himself off. He found that the newspaper came in handy because his little friend was paying him another visit._ What is up with that?_ He put the paper in front of his groin and limped his way toward the hospital.

He had some how made his way to his office where his friend could be safely hidden beneath his desk. He prayed to the God's that they would not have a case today. For some reason he knew he was going to regret it if he had to stand up at all today. Cuddy walked through the door of his office and stood in front of his desk.

"Can you explain to me what was up with Wilson last night and this morning?" She asked in a tone he liked to recognize as gossipy.

"What do you mean?" He decided to play stupid.

"Well, he has been smiling non-stop since he got here and after he went to the bathroom last night he was still smiling. I just don't get it." She said sitting in the chair that was oddly placed.

House closed his eyes trying to contain himself but for some reason he was uncharacteristically horny. And not the 'maybe we could do it sometime' kind of horny but the 'I'll take you on the desk right here right now' kind of horny. He pushed himself forward and shifted a little in the chair. His groin was burning with desire and he could honestly say that he had never been this hard.

"Me either." He choked out looking down.

"Are you okay." She started to get up but his hand being held up stopped her.

"I'm fine." He grunted. "Just a little uncomfortable."

"Okay…" She drew out the word as if she was uncertain to if he was lying or if he was trying to get rid of her. Probably both, she concluded.

"Seriously. I think Wilson is just having trouble accepting the fact that he will never be married again. It's life, what're you going to do?" He asked bringing his hands up for emphasis.

"Right, well I'll leave you alone. Your team has clinic duty and you haven't got any cases yet so take this time to fix whatever it is that's bothering you."

"If only I could." He murmured.

"What was that?" She asked turning back around.

"Nothing. I'll fix it." He smiled cheekily as she left. The smile faltered a bit then turned into a frown as he felt the pain of his leg come over him. He took two more pills.

--

An hour later Cameron walked into the room and threw a folder on his desk. He looked up from his game and stared at her. He was still getting full hard-ons and he still hasn't figured out why. "New case." She stated simply and walked through the connecting door to sit down at the table.

House breathed deeply and put his head on the desk. He had to get rid of this feeling. Chases and Foreman walked through the door and sit down next to Cameron so he knew he had to get started.

He stood up carefully and grabbed his cane and the folder. The folder being the most important thing. He put the paper in front of his lower anatomy and walked into the room. The erection was becoming so painful, that he wasn't even thinking about his leg at this point. He winced a little and his breathing hitched. The odd glances from his colleagues were subtle but he could tell they were there. He couldn't speak at the moment so he didn't even make a snappy remark.

He grabbed the marker and asked what symptoms and Foreman pointed out the obvious. "You have the folder."

House looked down and slightly winced. "Right, but you read it before you gave it to me I'm sure. Got the history and everything right?"

Cameron nodded.

"What are the symptoms then?" He practically yelled.

She jumped slightly and Chase spoke up, "Why don't you read it."

"Because, this is your job and you're actually supposed to do your job. You know? To make money and what-not." He stated angrily.

"We're supposed to memorize the files now?" He asked boldly.

"Shut up." He said enunciating the words for emphasis.

Chase's boldness left him.

Foreman grabbed the folder from House's hands and House turned so quickly the other way he almost fell on top of the board. Chase laughed slightly at what he saw and Foreman looked like he was going to piss his pants. Cameron gasped and looked horrified and embarrasing.

"Damn it." House said grabbing his leg. The sudden movement made him forget about his former problem.

"Nice tent. When'd you pitch it?" Foreman got out through a fit of laughter.

Chase laughed and Cameron blushed.

"Well, I was looking at this picture of your mother and I don't know, just got carried away I guess."

Foreman was still laughing. "Man, embarrassed House, that is something everyone should see."

"I'm not embarrassed, I've gone through this before, so have you, and you, you British ass." He said pointing at the laughing Chase. "I'm not so sure about Cameron, but you never know."

"I've got to go." She stated and practically ran out of the room.

"Good grief, I'm going to my office and try to get rid of this damn thing." He said gesturing toward his crotch.

"You got it boss." Foreman said still laughing.

--

12:00 PM

Wilson was telling the devastating news to one of his patients that she was going to die. She tragically held her tears in as her shoulders visibly slumped. Her mother was hugging her in a heartbeat and Wilson had to get out of that room. It was too sad for him to handle right now.

He walked down the corridor and ran into House's team on the way. "Hey, aren't you supposed to have clinic?"

"Yeah, we're going to lunch." Foreman stated.

"Pulling a House?" Wilson smiled.

"Nah, we're actually going to do ours." Chase stated.

"Okay, well do you have any idea where House is?" Wilson asked kind of amused.

"He should be in his office. We left him there, after the embarrasing moment." Foreman said cautiously.

"Thanks." And with that Wilson walked to the elevator and pressed the 2nd floor button. He walked his way to the Diagnostician's office and opened the door quickly seeing a frustrated looking House sleeping uncomfortably in his chair with a book over what Wilson assumed was the erection he was so excited to see. He walked over to the desk where the infamous cane lay and grabbed it. He walked over to the slumbering man and poked gently at his side with the rubber gripper at the bottom.

"Wha-? What the hell?" He looked up groggily at a smiling Wilson.

"Want your Vicoden?" He smiled.

"What?"

"You know, you really shouldn't trust the pills you take. You should always expect that they are something dangerous."

"What did you do?" House looked up warningly.

"Oh nothing really, but you should find the difference between a pain killer and a male enhancement." Wilson stated dubiously as he walked out the door with his head held high.

House sat there dumbly grabbing the bottle of pills that he had been so blindly taking and the pills that Wilson had so lovingly left behind.The bottle read:_ Performance Enhancement. _He opened the bottle of his 'Vicoden' and the bottle of the 'Love Pills' both were white but he looked closer and saw the difference between them. Vicoden was bigger, but only slightly.

He really should pay more attention to his pills from now on.


	4. Naked Fists and Whatnot

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update...:D ah well...this is a perty good chapter if i may say so myself...

Disclaimer: DON'T OWN

Wilson made his way to his office still smiling in victory; he was smiling a lot the past few days. Since the little incident in House's office he had been a lot more…perky. No pun intended. He felt like he had finally beat House and he was proud.

He opened the door in one swift motion only to feel something wet and rank hit him in the face. He fell backward and landed hard on his ass. He grunted and pulled the offending object from his face. He almost vomited at the sight.

It was a dead possum. Road-kill? Possibly. He shoved the bloody animal from his vicinity and gasped a few breaths of fresh air. He looked around him for anything clueing him in on who the offender was but he already knew. _Great. Now House thinks he's even. We'll see about that… _Wilson smirked and pulled himself up to his feet. _But first, I have to take a shower. _His smirk turned into a frown as he helplessly tried to wipe the blood from his clothes.

The young doctor pulled his white coat off and threw it on the nearest object in his office. He grabbed his spare clothes and traveled the short distance to the men's locker room.

He pulled off the mess he used to call clothes and shoved them in his bag, but not before he took out the clean ones. Once he sat the clothes he was going to wear out he turned the shower on and stepped in getting hit by the not-yet-warm water.

"Jeez!" Wilson yelped jumping away from the spray as best he could. He finally got comfortable when the cool went warm and he eased himself back under the water.

--

Once he was finally finished he opened the shower door and stepped out grabbing his towel and rubbing his face with it. His eyes were clear and his face was dry.

He reached for his clothes and came up empty handed. Looking down he noticed there was no clothes. His mind was reeling and he was horrified.

_No clothes. NONE! HOUSE! Damn it! _

He pulled the towel around his waist and let out a loud sigh. Pulling the knot tighter he headed out of the shower room and toward the offender's office.

He was pissed. Nurses were staring, patients were staring, IMPORTANT people were staring. He was pissed…really pissed. The curtains were hanging in front of House's office and somehow Wilson knew they were busy but he didn't care. He slammed the door open with great force and gave House a death glare.

Unfortunately House didn't see Wilson's dramatic entrance, he was too busy writing on the board. But his entire team and Cuddy were graced with his presence…his _entire_ presence.

House turned slowly not bothering to hide the smile that covered his face.

"I like hard-ons…but not when they're induced by a _pill_. Don't be a jackass and I won't have to …well I won't have to do that." He smiled widely and started to limp away when Wilson's fist came into contact with his face.

TBC


	5. truce

It's taken me forever to update this. I feel bad...not really. But we are finally at an end. Tis been a great long journey with you faithful reviewers.

--

House fell back against the white board with a thud and crash. The bar holding the board up jammed into his thigh, sending an extreme jolt of pain through his entire frame. He looked up at Wilson, completely ignoring the shocked faces that stood inside the office.

He sat up, ignoring the pain, pulled himself off the floor and looked for his cane. Wilson just stood there, towel still securely covering his waste.

House pulled back angrily and punched Wilson back, square in the nose. He fell back with greater force and landed into the glass door, hearing the glass almost give in. He stared in shock as he pressed his fingers to his now bloody nose.

The fight was obviously not over when Wilson stood up, non to gracefully and tackled House. Cuddy finally got out of her shock and went into administrator mode.

"Get off of each other, NOW!" She screamed out. The two men ignored her and kept on getting shots in wherever they could.

Foreman went to House and pulled him back from under his shoulders. Chase went to Wilson and kept him on the floor. House kicked up- grimacing as he did so- only to catch Wilson's mouth on the toe of his Converse.

"STOP!" Foreman bellowed throwing House up against the glass wall.

Wilson nursed his wounds and scowled in House's direction.

"You're pathetic." Wilson spat out.

"Says the guy who put male enhancers in my Vicoden."

"you put my hand in warm water while I was asleep." Wilson shouted standing up and out of Chase's embrace.

"You cut through my cane!" House said louder.

"You put a dead animal in my office and stole my clothes."

"You're a sad male whore who can't stick with one wife. Cheated on anyone lately?" House accused with venom.

Wilson's face took on a myriad of emotions, hurt, anger then full fledged fury, "Do you really want to compare personal lives _Greg_? I mean at least I can get a woman to _stay_ with me." His voice was low and intended to hurt.

House's face actually showed emotion when he broke away from Foreman's arms and practically attacked Wilson. He straddled Wilson's waste and began to whale on him. Foreman got his balance back and pulled him back with more force. He reached the door and pushed House into the hall. He closed the door and locked it, he ran quickly to the other door and did the same to it.

"Alright," He started, staring at Wilson's bloody face, "That's ridiculous, you guys are acting like fifth graders."

Wilson rolled his eyes.

Cuddy stood up. "He's right, either go back to your office and don't talk to House the rest of the day or go home and finish this fight in his apartment. I don't care. But you two are not going to fight here."

Wilson just stared, nodded and slowly stood up to leave.

He got into the hallway and noticed House wasn't around. He stared confused at the Houseless corridor and walked to his office.

He opened the door tiredly and turned on the light, only to see said House sitting on his couch a needle in one hand and a mirror in the other. He was quite obviously trying to figure out how to get the stitches in without putting down the mirror.

"What are you doing in my office?"

"I could've asked you the same thing…earlier…" He said with his eyes closed. He opened one, "Surprised that thing stayed on through all of that."

"Yeah well, I tied it pretty tight." He smirked.

"So I see I put the hurt on you." House stated arrogantly.

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Your head is bleeding."

"I was wondering why it was stinging." He said putting the mirror on his knees.

"Let me." Wilson said grabbing the needle from House.

"I can do it." House said quietly.

"Oh, I know." Wilson smiled and began stitching his head gently.

"You had some pretty good- ow- low blows in there."

"So did you." Wilson stated defensively.

"You started it." House deadpanned.

They were quiet while Wilson finished repairing the gash. Once he was done he reached in his drawer and pulled out a gauze. He taped it to House's wound pressing gently to secure it.

House looked at him intently.

"I'm sorry." Wilson said on a sigh.

"Apologies make you look weak." House mumbled leaning his head against the back of the couch.

"Right." Wilson smirked once again and copied House's movements.

"You're bleeding too." House said opening one eye.

"Yep."

House sighed and grabbed a gauze, poured alcohol on it and pressed it Wilson's lip.

"God!" Wilson shot up and House began to laugh.

"Oh, shut up!" Wilson pressed his palm to his lip.

House laughed even more, "Sorry." He said through light chuckles.

"Apologies make you weak."

"Ah, touché."

Wilson smiled as House calmed down.

"So…truce?" Wilson asked, sticking his hand out for a shake.

"Truce." House shook his hand and leaned back against the couch once more.

"Good times huh?"

"Good times."

End.


End file.
